Golden wedding rings (hdesert (123RF))
Some military branches like the Army and Navy have chaplain programs that receive yearly or quarterly funding to host weekend getaway marriage retreats. I have attended marriage retreats stateside and in Germany. These marriage retreats have a lot information about productive communication, priorities and general relationship health. And nothing beats attending a marriage retreat with a romantic European backdrop. Furthermore, most marriage retreat funding is saved for winter, as hotels and venues are less expensive during colder months. Cuddle time, anyone?
Be aware that marriage retreats are often announced with little time in advance. When winter rolls around, be on the lookout for marriage retreat sign-up sheets, as spots fill up fast! You do not need to be religious to attend a marriage retreat; retreats are not focused on religion. Marriage retreats often offer childcare, so you and your spouse can attend the marriage classes without interruption. The itinerary for the weekend will also include family time so that you and your family can enjoy the venue.
Also, do not be afraid to advocate for yourself. Your chain of command may not be familiar with marriage retreats, and chaplains can help you request permission to attend. Marriage retreats are an essential military resource that helps equip service members with the tools necessary to show up as an emotionally available spouse and ask for the same in return.
Usually, chaplains will look for hotels and venues that have something unique to offer. My husband and I attended the German marriage retreat in a lively, bustling village that brought out our sense of adventure. We explored the snow-covered streets lined with half-timbered houses. The village was glowing with sparkly and nostalgic Christmas decor, allowing us to feel the spirit of the winter season. And while the mountain beside the hotel was shy of enough snow, we brought our skis just in case! Had there been more snow, we would’ve been able to ski right outside the resort. The hotel was all-inclusive, with a lovely German dinner and breakfast. Moreover, the hotel had an indoor waterpark!
The most important lessons I’ve learned from military marriage retreats will follow me for the rest of my life and always enhance my ability to give and receive love. Here are the most important lessons that have been taught:
Everyone communicates differently. Men may communicate more logistically and defensively. Women tend to lead with their emotions, a path of communication that can trigger defensiveness from men. However, the two communication styles can meet in the middle. This happens when a mutual understanding of how the other person operates exists. And if each person understands how the individual self operates. This two-sided understanding allows extremes of the communication styles to become relieved and emotional intimacy to form.
Codependence is another issue that may pop-up. It is a problem because we have to love ourselves. We should not interact with our spouse from a “what can I receive from you?” context. We need to be already full of our self-worth so we can interact with our spouse from a place of overabundance that says, “What can I do to support you and love you today?” When someone can’t interact in the relationship from a place of abundance in which they can love and support the other, they are being led by their ego. The ego is selfish and lacks emotional intimacy. Furthermore, if someone understands this concept and has self-worth, they can communicate this need to be supported and loved adequately to their spouse because they know they deserve it.
Sometimes, it is hard to get out of a rut. Communication blocks become circular, and both spouses can become hopeless. But there is always room for growth and learning. That is what relationships are meant for. As with life itself, relationships are meant to be pushed to evolution. Relationships show us our wounds and fallacies. But they also offer us the hard work it takes to overcome these wounds and fallacies. They are a mountain that is worth climbing!
If you are struggling inside or outside your marriage, you do not have to wait for a marriage retreat. Go see your chaplain anytime for free counseling.
