A heartwarming moment of reunion as a dedicated service member embraces her children in front of their home. The image captures the love and resilience of military families, with the American flag patch on her uniform symbolizing her dedication and sacrifice. The backdrop of a welcoming doorway and a smiling family member in the distance highlights the joy of being together again. This image beautifully represents strength, family bonds, and the pride of service. (Von Monkey Business - Adobe Stock)
“New year, new me.” We’ve all heard the phrase, and yes, it’s a little cliché. Everyone has something they would like to get better at. For some reason, the beginning of a new year is the best time to start from zero: We set a few resolutions during the new year.
Personally, I have set goals in the past that were not easy for me to accomplish, and I ended up frustrated. The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they’re often based on guilt and shame. There’s something you don’t like about yourself, and you decide that on January 1, you’ll change it. While wanting to improve is not essentially bad, basing these changes on societal standards or guilt can lead to feelings of failure, anxiety, sadness and stress when goals aren’t met.
For military families stationed in Europe, this rhythm can feel even more daunting. Living overseas brings unique challenges, such as maneuvering acculturation, physical isolation from extended family, financial instability and adapting to military life demands, which already bring plenty of stress. Adding lofty resolutions to the mix can feel overwhelming.
Mental health benefits of small, attainable goals
From a mental health perspective, setting smaller, manageable goals can significantly reduce overwhelming feelings and anxiety and improve overall well-being. Unrealistic expectations often trigger a stress response, leading to cycles of guilt and shame when progress doesn’t meet expectations. When this happens, instead of looking at ways to improve, most people stop working altogether on their goals. Instead, creating goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART goals) can boost your confidence as you achieve small successes.
For instance, instead of saying, “I’ll lose 20 pounds this year,” shift the focus to, “I’ll take a family walk twice a week.” This not only makes the goal more attainable but also provides an opportunity for family connection, which is vital for mental health, especially in the isolating circumstances military families sometimes face.
Rather than creating an all-or-nothing goal, focus on small, attainable changes that fit within your current lifestyle. For example, if you’re hoping to prioritize fitness, consider joining a local workout group, a group class at the gym, or exploring one of Europe’s countless scenic trails.
When my clients and I talk about creating goals, I ask follow-up questions to help create these attainable results. If we go back to the fitness goal, some of the things I would ask are: “Realistically, how many times a week can you work out? How long, and what type of workouts are you considering?”
If your goal is to improve family bonding, schedule monthly day trips to nearby towns, parks, or cultural sites. These outings can create cherished memories and help everyone feel more connected to your host country. The important thing when you create goals is to have a plan. When you have something concrete, you are more likely to follow through.
Family routines
Despite the ever-changing dynamics in your military life, establishing family routines can provide stability and comfort. Although I understand how difficult it is to adhere to a routine when your life is constantly changing with TDYs, deployments, trainings and all the fun things, creating simple traditions, like a weekly family movie night, Friday pizza night or walks to a local bakery, can create a sense of normalcy.
Living overseas offers a unique opportunity to integrate cultural experiences into your routine. If you’re struggling to find a rhythm after a PCS, start small. Set aside time for regular family check-ins where everyone can share highlights of the week or discuss upcoming plans. These moments encourage open communication and strengthen family bonds, even during stressful times.
Integrating routines that involve mindfulness can be particularly beneficial. For example, a “gratitude moment” during dinner, where each family member shares something they’re thankful for, can foster a positive outlook. Research shows that gratitude practices can improve mood, reduce symptoms of depression, and increase resilience.
Turning goals into adventures
One of the greatest advantages of being stationed in Europe is the ease of travel. Use this to your advantage by incorporating family trips into your New Year’s goals. Instead of focusing on individual resolutions, think of shared goals that could ultimately strengthen family ties. Want to be more active? Plan a family hike on one of the numerous trails or through the Alps. Hoping to save money? Create a family challenge to budget for a weekend trip to Budapest or Barcelona.
And don’t think that it must be expensive to be memorable: Short, affordable getaways can be just as meaningful as grand vacations. Research nearby destinations for day trips or overnight stays. The MWR or Outdoor Recreation offices on post offer many discounted tours or resources to help with planning. Visiting castles, strolling through historic villages or even trying a cooking class can bring the family closer while creating a sense of adventure.
It is about progress, not perfection
You don’t need to wait until achieving the goal to celebrate your accomplishments. Instead, focus on small milestones and celebrate small victories because every step adds up. Military life teaches you to adapt and be resilient; use your skills when working toward your goals.
My favorite recommendation is to keep a journal to reflect on achievements. Sometimes, it is important to look at what you have achieved to see how much you have done. Journaling can also help to refocus if, for some reason, you have not been able to achieve your goals. We all know how unpredictable military life is, and whatever complexity has been added to our lives that has prevented us from completing achievements can be an opportunity for improvement. A detour is not a failure. As a mental health professional, I encourage you to view setbacks as a learning opportunity. What can you learn from it, and how can you do it differently in the future?
Mindfulness as a coping skill
I know you have heard it before. Mindfulness is a great coping tool. Slow down and take advantage of the opportunities that Europe offers to practice mindfulness. Enjoy a new pastry in one of the cafés, a stroll on a quiet Sunday, or visit a historic site; mindfulness helps reduce stress, lower levels of anxiety and depression, improve focus and provide a greater sense of well-being. Consider incorporating mindfulness exercises into your day, such as deep breathing during stressful moments or journaling about your favorite experiences in Europe.
The New Year will be a good year
New year, new me? That sounds like a lot of pressure. Expecting to reinvent yourself in a year to fit society’s expectations should not be the goal. Instead, prioritize something that really matters to you and your family. Living abroad could be a dream but is also difficult, and I get it. Military life comes with difficulties, but if you set SMART goals, 2025 can be the year of learning, growth, connection, and significant experiences.
