personal network ()
For some of us, being stationed overseas can be a dream come true. For others, it can feel like an overwhelming experience. Customs are different. People are different. Everything might be in another language, you may be driving on the opposite side of the road, and you feel lost. You miss your family, your friends, that quaint little café near your old stomping grounds — it had the best pizza. Sigh. More than the pizza, you’re missing your besties. So what do you do? The thought of another night alone while your servicemember is working late has you ready to pack up and go back to the States. Even if your experience out of country is fab-u-lous you could still use more of a social life — beyond binge-watching programs on Netflix (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course). The bottom line is that you want to make this new place feel like home. One of the most important aspects of feeling at home is to build a strong personal support network.
So, what is a personal support network? I’m glad you asked! A personal support network is a group of people you can depend on for support and camaraderie. To be effective, a support network usually needs to include all kinds of people — friends, coworkers, neighbors and others.
OK, great. How do I get started?
Start on your installation.
If you haven’t attended organized events on base or visited your Family Readiness Group (or its equivalent in your branch), do it! Every military branch has community services that host events. Even if you’re wary about this, check the website and mark down a few events to attend. When you attend organized events like these, it’s an automatic invitation to join. Many of the other folks there will also be new. At the very least, you will find out the happenings on base, and, at best, you can find new friends and important connections.
Be a great host!
If attending organized events is not your thing, if it wasn’t a good fit for you, or if you want to grow your network even further, why not host something yourself? Invite neighbors over for dessert or wine. If you have kids, initiate a play date at your house. If you’re into sports or activities, start a club (personally, I love running groups and starting one netted me a great support network). Use your imagination. Be creative. You can find people who you can connect with. Take the risk; go ahead and reach out. There are so many others who feel the same way you do. Start a movement. Build that network on your terms.
Ask your spouse.
Chances are that your spouse has at least one friend or coworker who’s also coupled. Ask your spouse to arrange a double date and get to know them. This connection has the added bonus of increasing your spouse’s personal support network, and you get to spend extra time with your spouse. I call that a win-win. Meet the friends of your friends of your friends. You get the idea. Here’s the thing. You may have connected with someone on an installation or in the community. That’s great. Why not use his or her network? If you’re new to an area and you have at least one friend who isn’t, ask him or her to host a luncheon or a night out so that you can meet their friends. If they have plans already, ask to tag along.
Become a “townie.”
Another great source to help build your network is the local community. Back in Boston (where I’m from) we would call the locals “townies.” Get to know your townies. Become a regular at a local café. You may find that the pizza there is a contender! Take the time to take in the local culture. You may be surprised that you make some great friendships; even if language is a barrier, this could be a great opportunity to learn a new language. Bonus!
Network, network, network.
Go online. Find installation events for spouses, employment events and educational opportunities. If you live in a military community, it is very likely there is a Facebook group for your given area. If there isn’t, I would start one. Use social media — Facebook, LinkedIn — to learn about people who have similar interests and those who can help you to expand your circle. It’s a good idea to connect to people who could connect you to future employment opportunities or offer you connections that are important to you. The beauty of networking online is that even if you are an introvert at heart, you can still successfully network online. Also look for opportunities to attend on-base networking events. Don’t have any? Well, why not create an event yourself? That will guarantee you make connections.
Nurture your relationships stateside.
Don’t forget about your friends and family back home. Nurture that network. Keep it going AND growing! Keep in contact. Send emails regularly. If you can, write old-fashioned letters. Skype. Let others know that even though you are far away, they remain an important part of your life. When I was away from my friends, we would schedule a bi-monthly girls’ night out online. We had wine, we chatted, and we laughed. It was something that kept me sane while so far away from my support network.
Get involved.
Volunteer to give back to your new community. Explore ways in which you can help the homeless, teach English as a second language, or get involved helping in the base library, child care center or medical facility. Giving of your time is sure to bring you more connections and a smile on your face (as well as on those you help).
Get a hobby.
Don’t be afraid to join a group to find a hobby. Finding an activity that you enjoy and sharing it with others is a great way to build your network. Do you love photography? Join a photography club. Love to cook? Take a class. Is painting your thing? Find an art class. Do what you love with others. You will start out with something in common!
Join a fitness class.
Gyms on military bases offer classes like yoga, CrossFit and Zumba, which provide a fun way to meet people. Meeting people and getting fit is a definite plus. Besides, lots of those overseas foods are amazing — though my thighs tell me otherwise.
Simply reach out.
While you may not be in the U.S. anymore, you are still among family — your military family. Remember, if you have a question, there are likely a dozen other spouses who do, too. There is someone out there who has gone through what you are experiencing now and probably has the answers you need. So, reach out.
Now you know what to do, so why is it important? You probably already know, but …
Never underestimate the importance of a personal network. We all know how long it can take to build a group of friends; overseas, you’re building a family. These are the people with whom you’ll be celebrating American Independence Day because the foreign country you’re in does not. They are the ones who understand that you miss the chicken sandwich with a lemonade at Chick-fil-A. They are also the ones who will teach you about a new culture and expand your horizons. So take that first step. Build your network. Your network is your lifeline. It can make a huge difference and make your stay overseas seem more like home.
