All the things you will and won’t be missing this summer

In this disorienting and disappointing summer of 2020, the show must NOT go on. Here’s a wistful look at some of the top events we’ll be missing this year, an idea for a distant second-place replacement activity, and a silver lining as to what will make the Covid-19 version of said undertaking a bit easier to bear.

Asparagus Saturday: Spargelsamstag would have taken place in Schwetzingen on May 9.

Alternate activity: Head to your local produce stand and buy a kilo or two of what’s lovingly referred to as the king of German vegetables. Cooking it up at home is so easy a child could do it. Here’s one of just one of many ways: Peel off the woody outer layers of the stems. Stand the spears upright in a pot with a lid. Put a couple of inches of water into the pan, adding a bit of salt, sugar and butter to it, along with a squeeze of lemon if you have one on hand. Steam until the spears are tender enough to pierce with a fork. Enjoy.

Silver lining: As long as you shop wisely beforehand, you can positively drown your spears in all the Hollandaise sauce or fresh creamy butter your heart desires.

Rock am Ring: This massive rock festival set to take place at the Nürburgring in the Eifel June 5 - 7 was to feature Green Day, Weezer and System of a Down among its headline acts.

Alternate activity: Another performer set to take to the stage was Daughtry. Go to YouTube and stream one of his many live concert performances. Listen from the comfort of your backyard or balcony. The sound on his Live in Ventura California performance is actually not bad at all.

Silver lining: Instead of waiting in a long line for an overpriced beer in a plastic cup from which you’re destined to slop half the contents all over yourself, your well-stocked fridge will keep cold ones at hand at a fraction of the cost. And when nature calls, instead of waiting legs crossed in front of a stinky porta-potty, your very own WC awaits! For free!

Kaiserslautern Altstadtfest: This beloved festival not to be held in the heart of K-town’s pedestrian zone July 3 - 5 is traditionally a time for feasting, listening to local bands playing live music, and imbibing in an adult beverage or two.

Alternate activity: Take a careful stroll through the heart of Kaiserslautern, perhaps stopping for an ice cream or sausage to take away. Before leaving, pick up cocktails to go from the HOP IN Craft Beer Bar and enjoy them while listening to bigFM, one of the event’s usual sponsors.

Silver lining: This year, you won’t be paying big bucks for the taxi ride back to your village after just missing the very last public bus of the night to be headed in your direction.

Wiesbaden Wine Fest: In an alternate universe, the Rheingauer Weinwoche would have taken place Aug.13 - 24.

Alternate activity: In the wine section of your local supermarket, seek out a bottle of wine originating from the Rheingau region. Enjoy from a stemmed glass along with a cheese platter while seated at a picnic table - at a safe distance from others, of course.

Silver lining: This year, there will be no fruitless search for seating on a packed Saturday night. And you won’t need to wander through the stands at the end of the evening, vainly searching for the winemaker from whom you picked up your wine glasses, in order to recoup that 2 euro-a-pop deposit on each glass you have no space for in your cupboard back home anyway.

Oktoberfest: The world’s biggest and possibly most fun "volksfest" of all time was planned to take place in Munich September 19 - October 4.

Alternate activity: Nothing. Start planning for next year!

Silver lining: A 1-liter “Maß” of Oktoberfest beer set a reveler back up to 11.80 euros in 2019. That same amount of cash could get you roughly five liters of the stuff in bottles to be enjoyed in a Lederhosen-free environment. Or how about NOT paying 230 euros per night for that last-minute booking of a noisy one-star hotel room plagued with mysterious stains on the wallpaper and shifty characters roaming the corridors? "Ein prosit" to better times to come in 2021!